The King of Kobolds Presents: White Plume Mountain

This is the beginning of my new review series where we look about the things that are important in the life of the leader of a race of reptile-humanoids.  Constructive compliments are appreciated but be aware you will never win a flame war with a kobold.

How to Deal with the Shadow Fad

Many of us dungeon owners who often deal with troublesome adventurers often notice that various trends tend to emerge.  I think that I've spotted the new one: darkness.  Shocking, I know, but for some reason the Shadowfell, once a safe-haven for the less-morally aligned of us has been crashed by those who think that killing people for profit is acceptable.  Non-human people I mean.
 Anyway, these new, for lack of a better term "classes" of adventurers need to learn that darkness is our thing!  So, here is my list of how to dispose of each of them.

• Warlocks
• These are the ones that cheat their way to the top making deals with higher up.  Admirable, but they use their new found powers to "good" things.  Makes me want to cringe.
• How do I get rid of them?  Demand to see their manager.  Seriously, most of the guys they make deals with are on our side.  Find some way of finding out who it is and call the guy up.  just make sure you don't listen to any of their offers.  If it sounds to good to be true, it usually is.  Believe it or not you only have one soul, and you never lose the weight they tell you you should.  Not that I know from experience.
• Assassins
• These are the ones who use shadow magic to sneak around.  They tend to work for a guild and will carry around unnessecary amounts of weapons. 
• How do I get rid of them? Lighting.  Just go down to the hardware store or something and buy some lamps.  Then just go to town.  If there aren't any shadows they have nowhere to hide.  Except for, you know, behind things.  But if you're any good at this at all you should already have your minions already behind those things.  Problem solved.
• Paladins
• Remember those guys that always have to be at home by eight and can't seem to sit through a simple torturing without objecting?  They hopped on the Darkwagon, too.
• How do I get rid of them? Simple, find some followers that pray to the same god.  The dark ones tend to go with the Raven Queen (which has always seemed like an odd Goddess to worship to me.  What can she give you?  Do you want death or frostbite?  Too bad, because she's also big on fate and isn't changing anything!) so just get some guys on your side with the same picture on their tabards and they can't do squat.
• Necromancers
• Is nothing sacred?  The fine villain's art of necromancy has been soiled by these people?  Is nothing un-sacred?
• How do I get rid of them?  Use their tricks against them: hire a cleric.  Doesn't need to be one of a goody-two-shoes one either.  Azune, my good ol' arch-priest of Tiamat was able to take down a swarm of them no problem.  Best thing is they'll never see it coming.  they take our tricks we'll take theirs!
• Vampires
• Yes...apparently some wuss vampires have decided to start palling around with stupid heroes.  Why do they do this when they could be living awesome mansions that have walls that eat you is beyond me.
• How do I get rid of them?  How do you not get rid of them?  ...Okay that didn't make sense, but Vampires are likely the easiest of these new adventurers to avoid.  Don't invite them in.  It's that simple.  They'll just stand out there.  If, for whatever reason, they manage to get in, don't go to the armory.  Head to the pantry.  If you spill rice in front of them, they have to count every grain.  I'm dead serious.  Dead...hehehe...

King of Kobolds signing out.